joining the dots

One of the things I want to achieve in 2016 is a greater sense of cohesiveness.

A few weeks ago I adopted a new (to me) method of ordering my days, weeks, things, lists and such: Bullet Journalling the ‘analog system for the digital age’.

While I reside on the edge of digital geekfulness where I appreciate I nicely formulated spreadsheet, some tidy code, but all too easily get weighed down in flipping between fonts pixel to pixel tweaks, and then endless subdivided minutiae.

Unlimited possibility in limited time.

But I’m also the girl who drools at the thought of the stationery store, giddily thinking about books, the kind I can write and draw and scribble in….. Mmmmmm… and All Those Pens. In All Those Colours.

The type of rules and systems I like are the flexible ones that adapt and evolve in a forgiving fashion.

And lists appeal to my sometime dithering confusion of too much to do/can’t remember if I did it/had an idea that I put down somewhere and can’t see it now for all the shit and kerfuffle that heaps up in my head….

And so far bullet journalling is fitting my contradictory character and fulfilling pretty much all the hopes I had for it. Organised chaos, checked off detail by detail. Coupled with an inconsistent colour-coding system that I reckon might figure itself out over time.

Many, many part-duplicated lists, notebooks, digital documents, scribbles on envelopes, diaries, journals, sketchbooks and whatnot occupy my world. I’m gonna keep them, but they’re going to rest quietly for future reminiscences while this episode plays out.

The current paradigm is one in which all the brain-dumps are contained between the covers of this delicious A5 turquoise leuchtturm 1917. 6 weeks and 51 pages in, me & book are getting along swimmingly. I’m enjoying the process of joining the dots of my thoughts, skimming back through old notes and scavenging usable information, ongoing plans and wishes.

… Lists of Lists … Things To Look Up … Art To Make … Projects To Begin … Projects To Complete … Books To Read … Places to Go … Bands to Explore … Quotes That Inspire … Universal Reusable Lists … Posts to Blog …

All these sandwiched between pages of What To Remember in annual, monthly & daily sized chunks.

The magic of it is: once they’re in the book they no longer take up space in my mind.

flowing…

My word for the year this year is FLOW. Last year it was FOCUS.

So I smiled when I happened across this from the king of motivational sound-bites himself, Mr Tony Robbins “Where focus goes energy flows”.

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Clearly I’m onto something.

But did I skip past the ENERGY part?

Darn it, I’d like some more of that right now! I’ve been feeling distinctly un-energetic for quite a while. No apparent cause or reason, I’m otherwise completely healthy. Just a bit too floppy and lacklustre.

So I’m exercising my word, and I’m going with the FLOW of it. From Friday night until this morning I’ve been pretty much asleep. I get up for some small meals, but really that’s been about it. I’m listening to my body, and she just keeps saying ‘let me sleep’. So I did. After years of insomnia, perhaps I’m catching up to some degree.

In my few days off from life I’ve been listening to a lot of podcasts. I recently found Summer McStravick. Her thing is flowdreaming, she describes as not meditation, not visualisation, not hypnosis, kinda somewhere in between. I think this was partly where my word emerged from.

I’m trying to honour the flow of my life.

Today I managed to get up, showered, dressed and out to the office. Just a half day. Bit by bit.

Tonight I’ll do some drawing. I’ve sketched a little something every day in my selflove365 book, but tonight I’ll go back and add some colour. Now life feels a bit more colourful again. I’ll show you the latest tomorrow. Sleep well, lovely friends X

wobbling, blurry…

It’s all metaphors, right?

As I look at what I do I try to pick out clues as to what I mean and feel and understand.

Already in week two of this selflove365 day project (and LOVING it, btw).

The pictures are fuzzy. They mirror the way I’m fumbling my way into the new year and this new project.

I’m finding my feet.

How do I interpret Self Love?

I’m defining it to myself: until recently I wasn’t aware of it even being a thing in my world. It’s new and a little confusing, I’m taking it on as a project: here in this book, here in my life.

So far, this is what it looks like….

Starting out with a literal expression of the theme. First thoughts… It turns out 1″ square is both larger and smaller than I expected it to be. I can squish more into the space than expected, also it’s also more squinty to look at and to photograph than I expected.

I went to see Star Wars this day. It was fab. (Apropos to nothing at all.)

What’s this? – like a tunnel into the future? IDK. I’m still consumed in confusion from the holidays. It’s still a blur. It’s been a Sunday for a very long time now.

This was the day I would have gone back to work if I hadn’t spent it flat out on the sofa, back home, recombobulating. I was watching a lot of YouTube. A lot of Kyle Cease. He’s reminding me to re-establish a daily meditation practice. I’m reading Gretchen Rubin’s Happiness Project. She’s reminding me the same.

In terms of the daily practice, I’m beginning to see how the squares can join up to become a bigger picture. I’m beginning to get a grip on things again. Thank fuck for that.

Finally got into the year. Five days in… I’ve done than that worse before 😉

Last year’s book seemed to be full of eyes. (My word for the year was FOCUS, it that kept coming out.) Also my art often has eyes in. So here’s an image who is looking back at us.

Today I began another year long project. I’m feeling more comfortable with commitment than any time before in my life. (Strewth – I’m not becoming like an actual adult am I?) (NO)

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I hope the first week of the year has been gentle to you, dear friends. I look forward to reading your plans and adventures X

back to life

During the daytime I’m usually found in this small office, tucked away behind the main road. Close to town, yet invisible to the world. I like it here.

I have my computer, kettle, all kinds of tea and more than enough music to accompany all moods and mental spaces – for soothing or wakening, for focussed thinking and for daydreaming – something appropriate to every volume these little speakers can kick out. I’ve got a stash of podcasts that accompany me in the more mundane non-thinky tasks. I’ve got spare socks and cardigan for the winter days when the little heater isn’t oomphy enough.

There’s a very fluffy cushion to remind me there’s always space for comfy-cosy in a world of the sometimes-serious when I have to pretend to be a real grown up.

The clutter levels are balanced between the parameters where I feel at home.

This is where my routines live. They aren’t tightly rigid, and they aren’t always effective but they are the best I can do, and I get by.

Today is the first day I’ve been back here after all that drawn out midwinter kerfuffle and general confusion period.

I am so glad to be back.

new traditions: on letting go

Happy Solstice

In cultivating something new from something old, today I set some time aside to look back and to look forward.

I’m most especially grateful to Susannah Conway for her Unraveling the Year which has inspired this practice. I first found her online workshop to find a word for the year one year ago (my word for this year was Focus – I have my word for next year, but that’s for another conversation).

Today was a bit of balance in the midst of the mayhem.

a corner of my home, my retreat from the world.

The end/beginning of a year,

all these holidays associated with all these belief groups,

the altogether headfucking climax of consumerism and consumption,

the magic and
the glitter and
the feasts,
the feelings and
tensions and
releases.

All that stuff.

All of it.

All the tradition.

tradition

[truh–dish–uh n]

noun

the handing down of statements, beliefs legends, customs, information, etc., from generation to generation, especially by word of mouth by practice: a story that has come down to us by popular tradition.

something that is handed down.

a long-established or inherited way of thinking or acting.

a continuing pattern of culture beliefs or practices.

a customary or characteristic method or >manner.

blah etc blah ….

So much is ingrained at a young age end passed on by generations.
For so many people.

Not me, not any more, I’ve made some adjustments to my ways, and that’s what I came here to tell you about today.

I don’t hark back to happy sparkly memories of childhood holiday fun. The people I was with at the time are all gone. This isn’t the place for detail – this isn’t a rabbithole of self pity – it’s just the context for what I’m writing about. And a nod to those who feel the same way. We know we aren’t alone, and we know we aren’t supposed to talk about it – it’s something like the emperor’s new clothes thing – if we begin to question why everyone is getting so tangled up in a frenzy of guilt induced consumption and confusion it all could just fall apart before us.

Here’s what I’m doing: I’m making my own traditions.

They are just for me. I don’t have kids, so these aren’t the foundation for any future other than my own. I started this a year ago, and in repeating them they’re evolving into my new traditions. They have meaning. They are a framework and a structure in an otherwise fairly arbitrary layout of days and free-floating lifestyle.

These short days and long nights at the turn of the year are my retreat. Amongst the usual duties of the days, amid the outside chaos, I’m squeezing in some extra time. Time in my home in candle glow, with my books and my music and my thoughts.

Balancing on today’s apex I look out in both directions: Reflecting & Consolidating; Planning & Wishing. Taking time to just soak in my life, look at what I’ve done and felt and learnt since the last time.

Since this time last year I’ve been blessed to meet and share time with some wonderful people who’ve brought me new understanding and genuine heartfelt joy. I’ve uncovered new music, new ideas, new strategies and new wisdoms.

I’ve begun to take better care of this body and soul. Forgiven her indiscretions and daftnesses. Appreciated her well meaning and abilities. Accepted her doings and goings as the best she could have done given what she had and knew at the time. Acknowledged she needs time, she needs peace and she needs rest, I realised no-one but me can allow this.

I’m trying to show her more kindness.

I’ve released a bunch of judgments.

I’m learning to reframe.

Wherever you are in this season, I wish you and your dearests an abundance of wellness and peace. Go gently, dear friends, be love. X

a calling to the tribe

Edit 17 December: There are just TWO SPACES left to fill. If you’re hovering on the brink of signing up, this may be your last chance….

…You can whisk yourself over to HERE to soak up some more of the details to help you decide.

…………………………………………

A couple of posts ago I was telling you about IGNITE, the course I took with Dirtyfootprints Studio. I’m still resonating from the abundance I found there.

If it’s something you’re interested in exploring, Connie Solera, our beautiful guide and genius behind it all is offering a free information call on Monday December 14 @ 12pm PST / 3pm EST / 8pm GMT

If you can’t make the date there will be a recording available to all who register.

take 5: episode 1

Y’know how I’ve been revisiting my digital art? I’ve also been rooting through my online galleries. Some of those pieces date back almost a decade, and some still hold up well. But some were looking a bit tired, a bit shabby, or just plain meh. So I archived them away.

I’ve still got most of the images from which they were made, so over the next as-long-as-it-takes I plan to re-photoshop some of them into new works: Hybrids of old and new ideas. I love digital for many reasons – the ability to do this is a big one.

So you can guess the plan from the title, right?

I plan to Take Five images, and ~~frankenstein~~ re-imagine them together into a shiny new beautiful something.

These are the first Five contenders for the project.

photo of dull book page. Looks a bit mathy.

scanned doodled thing. Sea creature? Something abstractly multi-tentacled.

something a bit Celtic, and a bit unfinished. Watercolor and photoshop

sections of typed gibberish

a lovely gecko. (of course)

At the time of posting I’ve reached a crossroads in the making of the hybrid. I’ll explain later…

2016 Adventures…

What adventures do you have lined up for the upcoming year?

Are you a planner, or a wait’n’see-er? I’m a bit of both.

I like to have some looking-forward-to-things lined up, pre-booked, so that creeping apathy or the inner critic can’t persuade me to wriggle out. But if I start organising my time too much I get freaked, run away … sometimes have to sleep it off.

Since 2009 when I returned to education, I’ve taken on at least one big learning project each year. One in which I’ve had to show up to the commitment I made. Partly through a loyalty to the others involved, but mostly to myself. Accepting a challenge. Jumping in.

In 2015 joined up for IGNITE, an online course for women artists run by the gorgeously wonderful Connie Solera of Dirty Footprint Studio.

I was so inspired by Connie’s series of artist interviews, the 21 Secrets Conversations. Right from the off I was fascinated by listening to all these artists describe the path that’s led them through their careers. But even more than this, I kept going back to watch more, I was totally entranced by the joy and love that fills every episode. I just knew I’d found my tribe. I felt at home.

Over the year in IGNITE we developed and grew together as a group. We’re dotted about all over the world, so our meet ups were digital, but they were frequent and will be ongoing. It’s been the most amazing ride, through which I’ve got to meet and know some really inspiring new friends whose lives are in tune with the same creative energy.

…this video was part of a project I created back in the summer for IGNITE…

Emerging from the course I’ve got a much clearer understanding of my creative process, far more so than 3 years in conventional art education. I’ve developed a stronger sense of being-ness. A sense of freedom and possibility has replaced the sense of limbo I began the year in. I really generated the momentum for the bounding leap into my next paint-fueled adventures.

IGNITE is an intensive course, it runs annually. In 2016 the course will begin again in early January. So are you wondering….?

Are you at a point in your creativity where you feel ready to stretch forward into a more exciting, dynamic phase?

Does it make you feel skippy inside to think of becoming part of a global tribe of soulful spirits ?

At the time of writing I believe there are a handful of places left – so if you’re interested scoot over there now and check it out before they get snapped up. Ooh, and on top of that – this year Connie is enlisting four IGNITE Alumni to act as mentors. And yes, one of them is me 🙂

Come and join us – it will be so much fun!

www.wonderful.meme

For all the intrusions and all the insights, in equal measure I love and I loathe the presence of social media in my days.

Just as I’m about to switch back to analogue in a huff of indignation at the stupidity of falling into yet-another-time-sink, something like this pops into view.

spirals

I’m reminded how blessed we are to live in this age, where an idea can be expressed so succinctly in a beautiful image and then shared with millions of people with the click of a mouse.

I believe that every age and every era has its own magic.

I’m especially enjoying this one, as someone who reached adulthood before the www became ubiquitous. I’ve embraced it, and I’ve got the perspective of life before 24/7 access to misinformation and click bait.

Thank you, folks of the www, thank you.

Pixel Pushing

A while back I was remembering an episode in my life when indulging in messy painty art just wasn’t practical. Limited by space constraints, impeded by my environment – a short term let in a flat with a brand new carpet.

This coincided with the opportunity to teach myself to Photoshop. Digital cameras were still quite new. It feels like a thousand years ago compared with the ease of tech we can enjoy now.

I took to pixel-pushing immediately. What I thought was just a temporary work around became a big part of my world. An all engulfing passion.

Some years later when I went on to fulfill the life long ambition of becoming a proper full time art student, and I threw myself back into all the real tangible visceral creativity that comes from paint and ink and clay and the such.

Contrast. It’s how I thrive. When I’m feeling flat and lacklustre I know I need to turn direction and play somewhere else for a while.

Just lately I was recombobulating my website, and in doing so I got back into photoshopping together some imagery. It’s been like spending time with a very dear old friend.

Now I’m nourishing my spirit by reinventing some of my doodles and paint sploshings in the realms of the crisply clean vector curves and the hazy glow of a Gaussian blur.

I’ve set myself some new challenges which I’ll show you soon. Meanwhile here are a handful of my favorites from a while ago…