spinning into spring


A few days past the Equinox – whichever hemisphere you’re reading this from  – we’ve all just tipped a balance of seasons.


I’m typing to you from the north, so my days are now eversoslightly longer then my nights.


Which makes me glad.

It suits my intermittent insomniac tendencies – if it isn’t cold and dark when I wake up my days are more likely to begin earlier – and in turn rebalance my days and nights into natural circadian rhythms. (Until next time…)


Last week my sleep was completely unsettled.

Beginning with the night I had all the nightmares that children get where beasties and monsters are chewing my feet. And my tired mind forgets it’s just a dream and refuses to go back there just in case.


Popular science de jour supports the belief that missed sleeps can’t exactly be repaid at a later date, and rather than try to catch up, it’s better to enforce a bed time and wake time, forcing the body to comply. Good sleep hygiene. All that stuff.


I’ve tried that.


The obstinate donkey that runs my brain doesn’t like that game, so won’t play.


We (me & donkeybrain) have to lay there all restless and thinky for a long time when we try this. Unmedicated early nights are effective only when preceded by some fairly appalling regard to rest for a good few days by way of a build up. Even the donkey doesn’t think that’s wise.


If I do get to sleep by my ideal of 11pm I fall into what feels like a deliciously deep, eight hour, dream fuelled, well rested  slumber. Mmmmmm…


But in reality turns out to have lasted just 90 minutes or so.


And is followed by any combination of thinky/over-thinky/wide-awake/best-ideas-ever-just-not-quite-awake-enough-to-write-down-or-record-somehow/what-the-crazies-was-that-dream-meant-to-be-about?…………….

I mean – it’s rarely worrisome thoughts – I’m not that ball of anxiety (had that in previous chapters, thankfully free of that now). So it could be worse.

I say to myself: Shush, it will be morning soon, you just need to shush back to sleep for a little while til then… continually for 5-6 hours before another 90 min nap.


Last week I had two consecutive nights on just scraps of rest and a few really busy days with a lot of fresh air and walking. So that should be an effective reset, right?


Then the weekend was almost totally filled up with sleep.


Like the rest of my life, I think I’m probably quite well balanced on average – but looking at individual episodes I’m mostly to be found on the outer edges of everything.


There we are. 


This isn’t me, but she can be my representative in this tale of chaos. Standing there in her mismatched legs, holding onto her head (keeping the donkey in – he has his uses) and leaning – all casual like –  against the one edge of this so called reality. Just for now.




My word for the year this year is FLOW. Last year it was FOCUS.

So I smiled when I happened across this from the king of motivational sound-bites himself, Mr Tony Robbins “Where focus goes energy flows”.


Clearly I’m onto something.

But did I skip past the ENERGY part?

Darn it, I’d like some more of that right now! I’ve been feeling distinctly un-energetic for quite a while. No apparent cause or reason, I’m otherwise completely healthy. Just a bit too floppy and lacklustre.

So I’m exercising my word, and I’m going with the FLOW of it. From Friday night until this morning I’ve been pretty much asleep. I get up for some small meals, but really that’s been about it. I’m listening to my body, and she just keeps saying ‘let me sleep’. So I did. After years of insomnia, perhaps I’m catching up to some degree.

In my few days off from life I’ve been listening to a lot of podcasts. I recently found Summer McStravick. Her thing is flowdreamingshe describes as not meditation, not visualisation, not hypnosis, kinda somewhere in between. I think this was partly where my word emerged from.

I’m trying to honour the flow of my life.

Today I managed to get up, showered, dressed and out to the office. Just a half day. Bit by bit.

Tonight I’ll do some drawing. I’ve sketched a little something every day in my selflove365 book, but tonight I’ll go back and add some colour. Now life feels a bit more colourful again. I’ll show you the latest tomorrow. Sleep well, lovely friends X


Parallelity 35/52

Have you used these pens? Pilot Parallel Pens.  I love them.
They aren’t only beautiful to write and draw with, but there’s magic you can do if you have more than one and different colored ink. I got these years ago and they’d drifted to the back of my repertoire for a long while. It was a strong sense of no idea what to do that made me remember them again this week.
IMG_5712  IMG_5713

I’m not a calligrapher in the real sense, but I love to play.
Have you seen Denise Lach’s art? This is my kind of calligr-drawing-joy


…………….And so the doodling commenced.


If there was one overriding theme of this week it was sleep. I’ve never been so tired. The culmination of some health stuff, some worry-based stuff, and some ongoing insomnia-based stuff all collided and my body made the unilateral decision that the only thing it was going to properly do was sleep.


Long heavy nights of it and small naps of it in the intervening day times when circumstance permitted. The bits of the week that weren’t spent sleeping were spent in blinky incoherence.


(tbh, this week hasn’t been so different.)


So much time in sleep  means more crossover than usual between the waking and the dreaming realities.


Episodes of dream can manifest the mundane, and the awake-world does something crazy and surreal.


And the two places overlap and get muddled.


It’s a big jambled thing, and although there wasn’t an intent, this illustrates it pretty much as it was.


Worlds in Parallel.

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